Can you say . . . spaghetti?

"Oh, Boy"
by Buddy Holly


< >I love the news. Let it be known! I adore and absolutely worship the news. It puts me in touch with reality, something of which I am usually out of touch. Unfortunately, while the news is interesting, there are very few reporters, journalists, and/or columnists who actually are intriguing themselves. Are you following? ::hums "The Ants Go Marching On" and finds herself off topic::

< >Anyway, welcome to my grape-jellied, toasty shrine to, as I said, toast-worthy journalists, columnists, and reporters who I find to actually have depth, understanding, and wit. I made this page because I’m poor and cannot afford to send all these people a bag of bread, a jar of Welch’s grape jelly, a plastic knife, and a toaster oven. It’s just not feasible, my friends! I dare you to try! ::waves a box of Girl Scout cookies in front of their faces as bait::

< >Well - ahem - moving on! The people on this page are reporters/journalists/columnists who I pay attention to on a regular basis - whether through magazines, the Internet, television and/or newspapers, I keep my eye on them. I sent letters off to these people asking for bios so I could set up a makeshift temple for them and to my surprise, the following short bios are what I got in response (I didn't even expect an answer from one of them!).

NAME: David Allen
AGE: 38
BIRTHDAY: March 14, 64 A.D. I'm sorry, 1964 A.D.
JOB DESCRIPTION: Identify the crucial personalities and issues of our time, then hold them up for ridicule as an Inland Valley Daily Bulletin humor columnist/nuclear physicist.
FAVORITE THING ABOUT JOB: Lining my pockets while small investors and my trusting minions go broke ... oh, wait, that's Ken Lay's favorite thing about his job. Freedom and the creative challenge are my favorites.
FAVORITE BOOK: Various pop-up and coloring books; among real books, High Fidelity by Nick Hornby.
FAVORITE WEBSITE(S): Unfortunately, this isn't my site; it's for a company that makes marble. More interesting sites: Expecting Rain (best Bob Dylan site on the Web), The Onion (hilarious), Off Kilter (very funny), Ebay (everything I've always wanted).
FAVORITE MOVIE: "Casablanca," which has everything you could possibly ask for in a movie.
FAVORITE QUOTE: "Here, David, you deserve this money more than I do." -- Bill Gates (Hey, you didn't say it had to be a real quote.)

Gypsy's Thoughts on David: Mr. Allen's an all around, really cool, razza-ma-taz dude! As a resident in Southern California who receives the Daily Bulletin, I have been reading David Allen's column for the past few years. For those of us who read his column, we barely survived the switch and addition of days he writes on (but David got us through it with his wit and keenly placed ads) and were in stitches with "Raw Hat Pizza." Well, maybe not, but both were a little hard to stomach. Anyway, David Allen is a man who I have respected and enjoyed for some time. He's intelligent, sarcastic, articulate, and pokes fun at everything needing to be made fun of in this world. David's reach is also extending into other local newspapers around the Inland Valley in Southern California, so if you live around here, take a look for our friend, D.A.! :-)


NAME: Roy Rivenburg
AGE: Let's just say that everyone still had black & white TVs [when I was born]
JOB DESCRIPTION: Staff writer at Los Angeles Times. If it's weird or unusual, I write about it, from polyester to purgatory, from robot lawnmowers to the history of chewing gum.
FAVORITE THING ABOUT JOB: Paychecks. And vacations. I also like constantly learning about new topics.
FAVORITE BOOK: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
FAVORITE WEBSITE(S): Besides I like Snopes for debunking urban legends and The Onion for satire.
FAVORITE MOVIE: "Groundhog Day". (I could watch it over and over and over.)
FAVORITE QUOTE: "Roy, you've just won the state lottery!"

Gypsy's Thoughts on Roy: Another one of my favorite local humor columnists, I've known Roy Rivenburg since June 2000 when he interviewed me for the LA Times (the first article about HPR!) where he's a great staff reporter, most recently covering (and poking fun at) such topics as the Oscars and Ted Koppel. His site, Off Kilter, is a his syndicated weekly humor column that is always a great source of amusmement and fun. Like his friend, David Allen, Roy is an insanely funny and intelligent writer who I respect very highly. And in my attempt to use odd imagery for each featured journalist, Mr. Rivenburg is a "glandanderously chic," comical bloke who definitely deserves a look. Check out the LA Times and Off Kilter to learn more about Roy!


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Please check these men and women out if you can - they deserve to be read and their faces plastered all over the world. I wouldn't even mind seeing their faces on a few jelly jars.

A production of Chako'Lanna, Inc..

All text in biographies is owned by the journalists
because I am afraid to take credit for their strange quirks and insanities.
Please contact me or the journalists before any use of information given. Thank you.