Rumours

These are fake!  No they aren't!  Yes, they are!


< >Welcome to the page where all the submitted fake rumours are! This is the original section, so there are fake rumours dating from 1999 (and oddly, some have come true!). They are all funny, cute, sarcastic, strange, and sometimes just really weird. They are also one of the most popular areas here at the Realm!

< >Anything in magenta italics after a rumour is usually a comment from the Peanut Gallery - also known as the person speaking to you right now. ::ominous turkey dance music plays:: I even reply to my own rumors and yes, I know it's weird. ::sticks out tongue indignantly::

< >I am always getting rumours in and laughing, because most of them are very funny, and I have quite a few people who send them in about once or twice a week in huge loads. If you've got some fake rumours of your own, send them in! E-mail them to gypsy@HarryPotterRealm.com and I'll post them!

< >Please do not submit any racist, prejudiced, or homophobic rumours. I will post some rumours, though, that I allow due to interesting combinations or the intelligence of the rumour. If I receive complaints, however, all will be taken down. Thanks!

| Gypsy's Rumours | Submitted Rumours |

~


Gypsy's Fake Rumours

1. Petunia Dursley will leave Vernon and go get hitched with Prince Charles or Bill Clinton. ALWAYS possible.
2. Dudley will come to rest at a pond and upon seeing his reflection, will, either, fall in love, or die in horror. You people recognize the Narcissus story line? Well, now you do!
3. Snape will step on a crack and fall and break his back. Ah, don't some of us wish, though not me.
4. Hermione will get an answer wrong. Oh, the horror!!!
5. Harry, among his other talents, will now soon be able to talk to a poodle and it will answer back. Okay, where did that come from? ::looks around suspiciously::
6. Ron will burp squirrels in the sixth book.
7. Draco Malfoy will fall in love with Vincent Crabbe, who will have fallen in love with Gregory Goyle. Oh, goody!! Another love triangle!
8. Oliver Wood will change his last name to Stone.
9. Oliver Wood will change his first name to Elijah, if he doesn't like the new last name.
10. Oliver Wood will change his whole name to Elijah Stone and people will look at him oddly.
11. In the seventh book, the school will sing tribute to Ms. Rowling: "Rollin', rollin', rollin' . . ." ". . . KEEP THOSE PRICE ROLLIN'!!!!!!!" Ahem. Walmart - ::cough:: - ads.
12. Hagrid will grow giant turkeys for Thanksgiving that will fall in love with Snape and follow him around.
13. A boy named "Draca" will come to Hogwarts one day, looking very confused. READ THE BOOKS, DRACA. Sorry, trying to get a friend of mine to read Harry Potter and he's very stubborn. His name almost matches Draco, if you notice.
14. We will actually see a computer at Hogwarts!!!
15. Harry will realize that he CAN use gold and silver in the Muggle world.
16. Lockhart will become a faithful follower of the Blue Pixies, a reknowned group, most noted for their picking up people by their ears and dropping them.
17. Lucius Malfoy will realize that he is an idiot. Yeah. This will happen, I'm suuuuuuuuuure.
18. Dumbledore will turn himself into a lemon drop.
19. The Chamber of Secrets will be opened again - as a cafe.
20. The Weasley twins will turn into Buldgers.
21. Lee Jordan will finally not be yelled at by a teacher and get upset.
22. Ginny, in her later years, will marry the Wizard of Oz.
23. Ron's wand will be a popular singer in it's mid teens.
24. Snape will finally take the stick out of his butt. ::rolls her eyes:: This will happen.
25. There will be a bean that tastes like Harry. ::cough:: Excuse me. ::cough::
26. Neville will not loose his toad. Yeah. Right.
27. Snape will be fired and forced to work with weird people. AKA the people who Ms. Rowling worked with at one time at her worst job. :-)
28. Snape will realize that he has fallen in love with Lockhart and go searching all the wizard mental institutions.
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Submitted Fake Rumours

From Kimberly

  • Fred and George Weasley love each other.
  • Hagrid likes pumpkins.

    From Lee AKA Sky Sorceress

  • Professor McGonagall and Hagrid are in love. The pumpkins may be jealous.

    From Paladin

  • Voldemort is actually living in the place in the clouds . . . where the Care Bears live. ::stares at her nut of a friend with no E-mail to give out::

    From Opalthorg

  • Draco Malfoy will sing "The Seven Dirty Virtues" in the movie.
  • Dudley Dursley will sing "Anything I Can Do" to Harry.

    From Sarah

  • Voldemort and Quirell will sing a duet together. SEE!!! People think he's alive!!! Ahem. ::cough::
  • The Backstreet Boys and N Sync show up at Hogwarts and fight a duel about who's a copy of the other. N' Sync are copiers!!! But "Music of My Heart" is a great song . . . ::cough::
  • Hermione gets mad at Cho and we hear some good insults (although, from Hermione, it would be something like, "You low-scoring, brainless git!").
  • Professor Snape actually teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts and either a) spends the whole time gloating and they don't learn a thing, b) becomes nice, or c) is the same as ever and gets thrown out for being an ungrateful little wretch and Hermione teaches the class.

    From Alice

  • Harry leaves Hogwarts to start a band called 'Funk You Wizard Rock'. His debut single will come out in October 2000 and will be called "You - Know - Who Stinks!" YAY!!! Harry sings, too!!!
  • Hermoine will fall in love with Harry and go 'round researching love spells, tries them out and they go wrong, making Harry do very strange things! Ack! WHAT?

    From BJ

  • The Dursleys will actually realize Harry is a nice, wonderful kid and Dudley will become a nice guy! We all know this is probably NOT a possibility. :-)

    From Liz (and her mother, in some instances)

  • Snape's fairy godmother will appear and touch him with her magic wand and turn him into a nice guy. "Oh, yeah. THIS will happen. "Originally it was '. . . and turn him into his true self: a toad.' But then I said, Hey, we KNEW he was a toad. So it wouldn't be much of a change -- kinda like Dudley only growing a piggy tail. But Snape'd probably turn green . . . but I said, he's already a toad." Isn't this COOL?!?!
  • Professor Snape will fall in love with McGonagall and turn into a nice guy (my mother's version) OR Professor Snape will fall in love with McGonagall and turn into a nice guy but unfortunately will be ripped limb from limb by a jealous Hagrid. "My version."
  • In the movie, Dudley actually WILL be played by a pig in a wig. (Babe, maybe?)
  • Snape will be discovered to be the grandnephew of the Wicked Witch of the West, and then will attack Judy Garland to regain the ruby slippers he believes are his by birthright (even though Judy Garland's dead). Hmm, let's think about Azkaban for a minute. Purse, hat, ruby slippers . . . :-)
  • All Harry Potter fans will unite and kill Cho Chang so Harry can end up with Ginny or Hermione, because we all know Cho's not worthy of him. Liz, um . . . :-)
  • Snape and Uncle Vernon will both be driven mad by Harry, end up in the same mental institution, and will either 1. Spend their last days in adjoining rocking chairs drooling (my mother's version) or 2. spend all their time plotting to escape and get revenge on Harry (my version). 3. or fall in love with each other . . . MY version. :-)
  • Harry will go crazy and fall in love with the Whomping Willow. All of 50 through 54 by "Liz/The Demented Lizard (and her mother Toni)"!

    From Rachel

  • Lockhart will find his book, read it, and fall in love with himself, only to learn he can't marry himself.
  • Colin Creevey will fall in love with Ginny, who falls in love with Harry, who falls in love with Hermione, who falls in love with Ron, who doesn't care who he dates!
  • Snape will be fond of Griffyndor and give them points for the first time ever.
  • Hermione will finally study something in school that she doesn't have the right answer to.
  • Ginny and Cho Chang will have the biggest wizard duel ever over Harry.
  • Neville Longbottom will actually make a potion that works in Snape's class and Snape will give him points.
  • Harry will be named the most popular boy in Hogwarts and there will be a raging battles to date him.
  • Crabbe and Goyle will turn on Draco Malfoy and start a little group of their own making Draco feel very lonely. Do we care? Hehe. LOL, j/k. :-)
  • Oliver Wood will try out to play professional quidditch, doesn't make the team, and realizes Quidditch isn't everything.

    From Matt

  • All the books will be rewritten from Hedwig's point of view. Hoot hoot . . . hoot. :-)
  • The Phoenix whose tail feathers are in Harry's and Voldemort's wands is Fawkes.
  • Aragog and the other giant spiders in the forbidden forest hear about Harry slaying a basilisk, and eat Malfoy out of gratitude.
  • While Malfoy attempting a spell that is WAAAAY to advanced for him, it backfires, killing him.
  • Malfoy falls in love with a Dementor. Fanfic idea, maybe, peeps?
  • Cornelius Fudge actually DOES use dragons to guard Hogwarts.
  • Voldemort ends up going to a psychiatrist by the name of Doctor Spock!!! Oops, wrong kind of docter. . . :-)
  • Voldemort posesses Dudley.
  • Voldemort's next host will be a pie. A really tasty looking one. ::starts thinking Yeerks:: LOL, this has GOT to be a classic!!!!
  • In the movie, Hedwig gets a starring role, and the owl that plays her will get the most money out of it. ::smiles about the irony she finds in this, though probably no one else does:: :-)
  • Peeves drops a safe on Malfoy's head. ::starts laughing:: Flat head! Flat head! Big nose! Big nose!
  • Norbert returns, fully grown, and eats Malfoy.
  • In a fit of rage, Dumbledore turns Voldemort's spirit into a giant lemon drop. But he won't eat it, amazingly!!! :-)

    From Kat Weasley

  • You know, in the weird love ..shape where Colin falls in love with Ginny etc.... Ron could decide he loves Colin Creevey . . . Kay . . . :-)

    From Prashant

  • Gilderoy Lockhart will escape from his mental insitution and, disguised as Crookshanks the Cat, will lead thousands of Cornish pixies into the castle, one by one, each disguised as Trevor the Toad.
  • Snape bought his brain at a garage sale. Well, he is smart . . . just not social smart . . . :-)

    From Mimi

  • Ron will have go on a date with Hermione and follow her around, but will be beaten up by Goyle who has a crush on Hermione.

    From Harriet

  • Hermione will turn Malfoy into a snuffbox with whiskers.
  • Madam Hooch, under the influences of strong alcohol, will start campaigning to bring Lockhart back to teach at Hogwarts. ::blinks:: Strong alchohol? Like tequila with the worm? :-) j/k.
  • Albus Dumbledore will buy pom poms and a mini skirt for Nearly Headless Nick, and Nick will become head cheerleader for Gryffindor. Hmm, don't you think Snape would look cuter? :-)
  • Fred and George will turn Snape into a toilet seat. Clean one, I suppose? No? . . . :-)
  • McGonagall and Sirius Black will elope, and Ron will help them start a slug farm in return for becoming the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

    From Rebecca

  • Harry Potter and Hermione and Ron and Neville and the Weasley twins and Cho Chang and Ginny and Draco and Crabbe and Goyle and Colin Creevey and Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas... and the teachers, and just about anyone else you can think of, you get the idea climb onto the chandelier in the Great Hall and start singing "Baby One More Time" in front of Cornelius Fudge, Voldemort, Professor Snape, and Gilderoy Lockhart, who hops up on the chandelier with them.

    From Sarah

  • Voldemort shows up at Harry's house and terrorizes the Dursleys.
  • A changed Lockhart comes back to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and is a good teacher. Reeeeeally.
  • They have the SAME Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the next four books. I'm sure.
  • Hufflepuff wins the Quidditch Cup. Possible, actually.
  • Harry somehow figures out that (since we never meet Malfoy's mom) Draco Malfoy is adopted and is really related to the Dursleys. That'll show him for calling Hermione a Mudblood. That means he's related to Harry . . .
  • Everyone at Hogwarts unites to kill ComEd and bring Michael Jordan back!
  • They get an American teacher who is a Cubs fan from New York and gives them less homework when the Cubs win a game.
  • Professor Lupin comes back and bites Malfoy. "Now that I think about it, might be dangerous."
  • Britney Spears comes out with a new single: "...Potter One More Time." Hee-hee!
  • A rumor is posted that is actually true. THIS will happen. ::sniff:: Ya never know . . . :-)
  • J. K. Rowling posts a rumor. "Possible." OOOOH! Well, actually, maybe she has, since she visits sites . . . ::looks around, wondering::
  • A character named Han Solo shows up (or Luke and Anakin Skywalker, the twins, or George Lucas)
  • The Weasley twins don't cause trouble and become Head Boys. A likely story.
  • The Weasley twins get Time-Turners and cause even more trouble. Funny, but illegal . . .
  • Another kid has an Invisibility Cloak, and they squabble over them: "That's MINE!" "No, it isn't. Yours has your name sewn in the back!"
  • Harry's Invisibility Cloak can come with a Tuxedo front. "Don't ask." Kay, I won't. :-)
  • A big mound of Jello comes and shouts "Lumos! I am going to eat you now!" and eats Snape. NO! Yet lumos means light . . . Go into the light . . .
  • Someone shouts "Lumos!" instead of muttering it and the school is thrown into an uproar. Nooo! Not the light! Not the LIGHT!!! :-)
  • Everyone picks the same tune for the Hogwarts theme song. Would be funny, eh?
  • Neville becomes a pop sensation. Likely, isn't it?
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    Rumours





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